back with more confusion!!

havnt wrote on here for blimmin ages! i couldnt be botherd and i also kept forgetting!
well what have i done since may???
i have celebrated my 20th birthday in style! partying in ibiza! although on my actual birthday i actualy worked for 6 hours on commision and got 4 euros for it! not good! the reason i did this was because i was planning on staying out there! but turned out that because of the credit crunch no one was really there so was to quiet for me to get a job there! well a secure one! so i came home! but i didnt really mind because i had been seeing G alot and i actualy missed him.
so since i got back i was meeting with him alot and going on dates and things. but then yesturday i decided to stop things with him because im just not sure of the point of getting close to him! me and my ex splitting up has made me look at my self and think that i didnt like the way i treated him even though my friends say he deserved everything he got being a complete and utter twat!
however i could have behaved a bit better! and this makes me think that any relationship will end the same way because of my behaviour! i dont think i am grown up enough for a relationship as i want to have fun and i am extreemly stubborn. if i want something....im guna fucking have it! lol.
he is also quite boring which is understandable. but he is extreely hard to get close to and he knows this! he also doesnt show feelings, which i find impossible as i get paranoid as to what he is thinking. im also going to university in september, even though its not far and i will be coming back alot. im just very confused. i do not want my heart to get broken again and i dont want to play games with any one, which i always seem to do. i want to change but it just doesnt work whenever i try so i think it will just come with time.
he is going to ring me i a few days to see if i have changed my mind but i dont know what to do. my heart wants to be with him but my head says to stay single and enjoy my life while i am young.
its all so confusing still. i am always confused!
i just want everything to be clear and to stop worrying about things and just enjoy my self but it just doesnt seem to happen!
oh i dont know. im going to go now and have a bit of a think!!
xx