im so annoyed at my self. i keep thinking off all sorts of things at the moment, so clearly my head is not sorted out yet. i keep thinking of my ex! 'm' now he was a complete prick. he used to beat me up and hes left me with two lovley big scars on my knee from where he cut my leg open by throwing plates at me! never mind though hey cuz i got through it. So this is my problem with me thinking of him! he doesnt deserve my thoughts. i think it is because he has a new girlfriend and i dont want him to have one. not because i want him or even remotley think he is in any way good looking anymore. i just want him to be miserable because he deserves to be, and also because i dont have anyone.
im also thinking of when i go to uni. i cant wait, its going to be amazing. just to get away from here and meet new people and start my life basicaly.
i am also getting quite annoyed because im new to this whole blog thing and i dont know how to search for blogs on here. im not even sure what i want to search for. i just want to read about other peoples problems so mine dont seem so bad and like im the only person going through something. i also want to read about things i can aspire to. so any help?
im so annoyed with my friends because they all think im wrong about 'g' but i keep listening to them and its doing my head in. i have never cared what people think about me so i dont know why i am starting now. well its not like i care what they think, its that there comments are making me think the same.
i dont really know what i am going to do about him yet, he doesnt even ring me or anything anyway. now im not sure weather this is so he doesnt seem to keen on me as i am only 19 so he knows i need my space. but then again i have told him to bloody ring me, as i dont want to look stupid if i keep texting him. oh i dont know. my life is so hard to work out what i want and what i should do. i wish i coud see a pathway or something, if that is even understandable?
i dont know where all these thoughts keep coming from my small head. once i start typing i kind of switch off and go onto auto pilot and keep typing and typing anything that pops into my head. i suppose its all a good realease in the end.
i bet you think im crazy. which you may be right in thinking so. but then again who is normal, or better yet what is normal? and who decides these things?
see i have so many unanswered questions flying about in my brain and i just wish there was someone who could tell me all the answers. and to tell me what to do and how i can become succesful in life an love. only in fairy tales tho hey.
right my mind fuck is about to end now for you. so cya xx
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