sex and lust.

well i have never had a blog before. I thought i would start one up as my mind seems to be all over the place at the moment and it seems like a good way to get all those trapped thoughts out.

so.... whats going on in my life?
i am newley single from a three year relationship with a complete idiot, i shall call him...'M'.
i am enjoying being single, however i do find it very confusing as to what it is that i want right now, i keep thinking that i do not want to get into anouther relationship for quite some time now as after all i am only 19 and have wasted the last 3years of my life on a relationship that was doomed to fail from the begining. I however find myself to be getting extreemly deep feelings for any guy that i 'hook up' with, even though i do not want a relationship i would like someone to love me and take care of me, and cuddle me in bed! so maybe what i want is an open relationship. but those never seem to work do they? one of the people in such a relationship would surley get jelous and insecure?

well my recent encounter with a man was last week. i had seen him before at my friends work (she works in a pub) and he is a local. i will call him 'G' it didnt even cross my mind about starting anything up with him, no more than idle chit chat if you will. last friday i went to go pick my friend up from work who i will call 'M1'but we ended up staying for a few drinks, one thing led to anouther and we went back to G's house to carry on the drinking. he simply asked me if i would like to sleep in his bed that evening as i couldnt get home. i said yes and within seconds of us being upstairs in his room we were ripping each others clothes off passionatly. i was quite happy with the size of him and the way he perfomed, as the last person i had sex with was not quite so well endowed!
In the morning, once i had got home i started to feel guilty about last nights steamy sex session as i had found out that he was considerably older than i was, which i knew he was older but not as old as he turned out to be! this then stopped when it happend again a few nights later when i had a free house as my dad had gone away for business. since that night i have been thinking of him a great deal. which i really dont want to as it is very clear he does not like me in the same way. i gave him my number and he has not rang or text me and im pretty sure he isnt going to.
its not like im not going to see him, i pick M1 up from work quite reguarly and he is normaly in there. why do men do this? i dont understand why they fuck with your heads when they have you naked wrapped up in there arms! when the clothes are back on and your in public then the mayaswelll not even aknowledge your presence!
well thats all i can be bothered to spill out of my crazy mind at the moment but i will be writing more soon. if there is anyone that is going to read this, i do apolagise now for my poor choice of words and spelling, and that most of the time i will not make much sense as my mind is all over the place.